Love and pain
by Killer Crowned Clown
Summary: Life was just to hard on him. He couldn't deal with all the death and suffering that happened around him and because of him. He was tired, mentally and physically, and was just ready to end all the pain and suffering he had caused himself and those around him.


No one's POV

Life was just too hard on him. He cried as music played in the background.

 _Just an average boy, he always wore a smile, he was cheerful and happy for a short while. Now he's older, things are getting colder. Life's not what he thought, he wished someone had told him. He told you he was down, you let slip by. So from then on he kept it on the inside. He told himself he was alright, but he was telling white lies. Can't you tell? Look at his dull eyes. Tried to stop himself from crying almost every night, but he knew there was no chance of feeling alright._

He couldn't deal with all the death and suffering that has happened around him and because of him. He was tired, mentally and physically, and was just ready to end all the pain and suffering he had caused himself and those around him.

 _Summer came by, all he wore was long sleeves, 'Cause those cuts on his wrist were bleeding through you see. He knew he was depressed, didn't want to admit it, didn't think he fit it, everyone seemed to miss it. He carried on like a soldier with a battle wound. Bleeding out through every cut his body consumed. He had no friends at school, all alone he sat. And if someone were to notice, he would blame the cat. But those cuts on his wrist, they were no mistake. But no one cared enough to save him from this self-hate._

He sat there with bottle of pain killers and the blade contemplating if he even wanted the pain killers. It would make it easier to do what he was about to do, but he feels that he deserves to feel the pain like he has every other time he's taken the blade across his skin.

 _Things were going down, never really up. And here he is now, stuck in this stupid rut. He knew exactly what he had to do next. Just stand on that chair and tie the rope around his neck. He wrote a letter with his hands shaking wild, "Look at me now, are you proud of you precious child?" But he knew that his parents weren't the ones to blame. It was the world that should bow down its head in shame. He stood up on the chair and looked out at the moon. Just don't think, it'll all be over soon._

He went in to the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror, but he doesn't see want the others see. All he sees is a worthless murder that doesn't deserve to live. He was going to end it all. All the pain and suffering and death soaring through his mind.

 _The chair fell down as he took his final breath. It's all over, all gone, now he's greeting death. His Mum walks in, she falls down to the floor. And now nothing can take back what she just saw. The little bot that she raised is just hanging there. His body's pale and his face is violently bare. She sees the note and unfolds it with care. All she does is stare, "How can this be fair?"_

Now a days all he could see was the people that had died for him or because of him. He was done. He couldn't take the thoughts any more. As he stood in front of the mirror, he thought to himself- "I'm a worthless piece of shit that just needs to end it all."

 _She starts reading as the tears roll down her face. "I'm sorry Mum but this world is just not my place. I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in. I've come to realize this world's full of sin. There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space. I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race. It's a disgrace, I was misplaced. Born in the wrong time, and in the wrong place. It's okay though, 'cause you'll see me soon  
you'll know when your time has come, just look at the moon. As it shines bright, throughout the night  
and remember everyone's facing their own fight. But I can't deal with the pain, I'm not a fighter. You'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter. So let the world know, that I died in vein._

"Life would be better for everyone else if I was gone. Where did it all go wrong for me...? How the hell did life get so bad that I'm just ready to give up and die already? Ah that's right the night when dad died saving me and my alchemy."

 _Because the world around me, is the one to blame. And I know in a year, you'll forget I'm gone. 'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on. That's what they use to tell me, all those kids at school. So I'm going by the law majority rules. My presence on this earth is not needed any longer. And if anything, I hope this makes you stronger. You're the best friend that I ever had. Such a shame I had to make you so very sad. But just remember that you meant everything to me. And to my heart, you're the only one that held the key. Now it's time to go, I'm running out of space to write. And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight. I'm watching over you, from the clouds above. And sending down the purest and whitest dove. To watch over you, and be my helpful eye. So this is it world, goodbye."_

*Flashback*

Ed ran into the room yelling and begging ready to use his alchemy to sop his dad if needed. But for some reason it wouldn't work.  
"Dad, don't do it. Just come with us. Please!" Ed pleaded, running towards his father desperately trying to stop him. "I can't lose you to. Please don't do this to me and Al."  
"Ed, I can't run anymore. I've been running from my demons for too long and it's time to face him. I'm sorry son. Tell Alphonse that I love him and to make sure that he leads a happy life with Winry. And Ed, don't do anything stupid."  
Ed stood there stupefied as his father fought to his death taking the monster with him and feeling like an utter failure as he watched his father die and doing nothing to stop him.

*End Flashback*

Ed's POV

"How can a worthless man like me keep going on when so many people are dead because of me? I don't deserve to live when everyone is either gone and happy with their life or dead because of me," I thought to myself as I flushed the pain killers down the toilet. "I deserve to feel the pain of death as so many others have felt, "I thought to myself. I took a piece of paper and wrote a note to Al. It read,  
"Dear Al, please don't be sad at my death. Just know that this is what I wanted. What I deserved. I love you Al from the bottom of what's left of my cold heart. Winery, take good care of my brother. Always remember that he loves you dearly. With love, Ed."

Then I wrote one to Roy. It read,  
"Roy, Roy, Roy. I have a lot to say to you and so little space to say it. Let me start off by saying that I'm very grateful that you have been here for me and my brother. I honestly don't think we could have made it as far as we had if it hadn't been for you. You know how I feel about you, but I don't know how you feel about me. I wish I could stay long enough to know but I guess it won't happen. I love you Roy, with everything I have and I always will you damn bastard. I know this isn't like me but you need to understand that honestly there was nothing that could have been done to save me. Don't blame yourself please, I beg you. And please make sure that Alphonse lives his life to the fullest and that he doesn't grieve me for too long.  
With much love and despair,  
Ed

I took off my clothes and sat down in the tub. I looked down at the scars covering my arms and thighs. Some were so deep that when I cut them I thought it was finally going to be the end. But then it would stop bleeding and the wound would close and I would start to feel even more depressed than when I had cut in the first place. I sit there and look at the blade. Then I reach over and turn on the water and wait till it reaches my stomach, then turn the water off. Then I grab the blade. I sit there contemplating if I should really do it, but I just shake that off and remember how worthless and stupid I am. I put the blade to my wrist and dug in and took it across. Then I did it to the other. I sat the blade down and put my wrist on the sides of the tub. It is a slow, painful death, but it's exactly what I deserve. Then I heard someone in my house. Someone was yelling for me. It was Roy. Roy was yelling for me, but it was too late. I was already fading into the dark.

End of chapter


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